What a run.

This post is short but deep. Just a thought that occurred to me recently...

Sometimes after trying to change yourself for so long you realize you had it right years ago.

Deep much? But seriously, learning from the past is more than growing from mistakes. It's the only place where the real you lives, and sometimes you can take pointers from that person that you have long since forgotten and left behind.

I miss a lot of things from the past, but one of the biggest things I miss are the parts of me I left behind that are better off than I am now. I only want to retrace my steps and pick those things up again.

What a fool I was to think I had to change, to think I was so unsatisfied with someone so great.

So thanks, Past Nicole, for being a shaping example for me. What a run.

Something on my mind...

There has been something buzzing around inside my head lately, and it's time I let this one out. I'm going to get straight to the point here:

Society norms when it comes to appearance suck.

Did you know that by Hollywood's standard of 'obesity', Jennifer Lawrence (Hunger Games's 'Katniss') fits the bill? How atrocious is that?

This girl is obese, apparently:

“I eat like a caveman. I’ll be the only actress who doesn't have anorexia rumors. In Hollywood, I’m obese. I’m considered a fat actress...I’m never going to starve myself for a part, I don’t want little girls to be like, ‘Oh, I want to look like Katniss, so I’m going to skip dinner.’”
-Jennifer Lawrence

This is why I love Jennifer Lawrence, she's human. She eats. She has no problem with it.

Now here's another thing I find atrocious- when people look at a girl who is considered above average size and think, "Oh, she must be a sweet spirit."

A sweet spirit. Because, obviously, that's the only saving grace for someone like her.

How close-minded that is. I wish I could remember where I read this, but somewhere on the internet someone wrote that "you need to find someone who loves you because of your body and never despite your body." How true that is! You can't live life thinking, maybe I'll find someone to look past my chicken legs and  see me for who I truly am. As important as it is to find someone who loves you for your spirit, they need to love your body as well. And I promise with full sincerity of heart, there will be people who find society dubbed "un-attractiveness" attractive. Ladies, there are men who prefer curvier women to the sticks you see on-screen. I know, because I've talked to some. They exist. And they're more numerous than you think.

I'll admit, there are aspects of men I find attractive and some unattractive. I have friends who disagree with me. If it's that way with women, it's that way with men.

(Side note, I also believe people can slowly fall in love with looks just like slowly falling in love with personality. You've heard stories of people hating someone else and eventually finding they really do love that person. Same goes with physical appearance. People can and do fall in love with looks.)

Which brings us to one more thing that people often say that bothers me: "Looks don't matter".

Oh, yes they do.

I once overheard a conversation (okay, I admit it, I'm a little bit of an eavesdropper) where one girl was telling her friend that if she were to lose weight, maybe her crush would like her back. He immediately retorted with the famous, "Looks don't matter!"

I chimed in at that remark.

"Don't they?" I asked him.

He immediately went on saying how people should only love each other based on what's inside, because that's what counts and we shouldn't just care what people look like.

I told him that I agreed with him on one account; that we shouldn't care just about looks. But what's the point in a relationship if you don't feel physically attracted to the other person?

Here's the thing. Speaking as someone who believes in the afterlife, we will take our bodies with us once we die. Our bodies are just as important as our spirit, or else we would leave those behind. So yeah, I'd say looks matter just as much as personality.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the girl should lose weight to get her crush's attention. Here's what I'm really trying to say:

Rather than thinking, "looks don't matter", think instead

"Looking stick thin doesn't matter" (I'll even go as far as to say, "looking curvy doesn't matter")

"Looking like Megan Fox doesn't matter"

"Looking like a blue-eyed blonde Californian doesn't matter"

"Looking like me does matter"

(I'm going to throw this in here, looking healthy DOES matter, because you need to take care of your body if you really love it. Same goes for people who are too dangerously skinny or too dangerously fat.)

Because like I said before, there are people who find things socially deemed "ugly" to be rather beautiful.

I know how hard it is to live in a world with our society's standard on appearance. It's hard to think you're really beautiful when you don't have a million guys flocking around you to tell you so. But, like Kermit the Frog once said,

“Maybe you don’t need the whole world to love you, you know? Maybe you just need one person.”

That being said, I hope society starts to adopt changes, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

So until then, I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!

Love Nicole