We all do stupid things, except for Morgan Freeman

Morgan Freeman. Deal with it.


Shoot... it's been a little while since I last posted. I've just been sooooo busy I haven't had time to work on this!

...LOL jk I've had more time than I can deal with. I just haven't been able to come up with anything I really wanted to write about. Which doesn't excuse today. I still don't know what I'm going to write about, so we'll see where this goes.

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Let's start with some updates. I haves some good news and some bad news:

Good news is I got into that choir I was talking about! And it's so much fun, I didn't realize how much I missed being in choir.

Bad news is, because choir goes noon to one, they can't have me work the day shift at Kneaders. They told me they'd just put me in the night shift, which would be no problem for me. Turns out they can't fit me in the night shift and they've already replaced me even though I'm still working there. Super bummer. So now I'm in the job market again. Woo. Hoo.

And let me just say I have even MORE exciting news, but guess what? I'm gonna make you wait a little. Why did I bother telling you? Because I can.

And to finish the update corner off, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out next week. Yeesh. I am not excited.

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Right. So. Now for words.

Do you ever have a day when you are sitting and reading a book, or scrolling through facebook, basically just relaxing and letting your mind wander, when something stupid you did in second grade pops in your head and it kind of ruins your evening? That happens to me more frequently than I'd like it to.

And then you start thinking of all the stupid things you've done. I mean, I remember once in seventh grade I was hoping to get Belle in the upcoming performance of Beauty and the Beast so I actually asked the director if I could get that part.

Face. Palm.

Sometimes I hope people don't remember these stupid things I do. Then I think, "Well, if I don't remember stupid things other people do, then no one else will remember the things I did!" So I'm good here.

Wrong. People remember. They always remember. Sometimes someone will come up to me and say things like, "Hey Nicole, remember that time in kindergarten you tried to convince me you had a beard that grew so long your parents had to cut it off? I never believed you."

True story, by the way. I wanted to make friends with someone so bad I told them that to impress them. But hey, I was in kindergarten, so that makes it okay, right?

...Ahem. Anyway.

So, question is, what do you do when all your stupid-ness comes flooding in like an overflowing toilet?

You plunge it down with all the COOL things you've ever done.

Let me tell you another gradeschool days story.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Nicole. Every day at recess she liked to hang out with the skater boys for who knows what reason. She would some day look back and question why she ever did. No one would believe that's who she used to hang out with. But while she was young, the skater boys convinced her to join them on a mission: to dig a hole to China. It sounded fun despite the improbability of the mission.

So, the four skater boys and Nicole snuck plastic spoons with them out of the cafeteria doors during recess. An ideal tool to dig across the Earth, the plastic spoon. Behind the trailers was a patch of grassless dirt, the perfect spot to begin the dig.

That's right, my friends. Me and some of my old mini-skater friends dug a huge hole in the school grounds. We spent every recess for a week just digging with plastic spoons. The other kiddies would come over and just stand there watching us dig. After the first few days, crowds of other kids would circle around and watch, some bringing their own spoons, but we refused their help. It was just the five of us. Digging.

But it gets better. Days after we started the hole (of course only being able to dig during recess), our teacher saw the gathering of kids and came to see what it was all about. And what did she find? Five filthy kids and a gaping hole in the ground.  I could say she screamed at us and we were sent to detention to teach us a valuable lesson, but that's not what happened. She laughed. She laughed so hard, she let us keep doing it.

"As long as you fill it in when you're done," she said.

So we kept digging. I knew we were getting closer to China. I could smell the bamboo, cooked rice and dumplings. And, just when we were close to breaking soil, the principal appeared and made us finally fill in the hole, still with no punishment because she, too, though it was funny.

In actuality, we got the hole about three feet deep. The tallest of us *boys stepped in and it came to his waist. It was fun while it lasted.

Sometimes the other kids would ask us to do it again. We felt satisfied, we had no desire to. But I felt so popular. Maybe that's why I hung around those weirdos. But something about the fact we did something so stupidly horrid to the school grounds and got away with it has really stuck with me. It's was so stupid, in fact, it was borderline smart.

It was awesome.

And that's all I have to say today. Sorry there are no pictures, I know how they really make a post. I just didn't feel like it tonight.

Maybe next time.

Bye bye!

--Nicole not a boy Smith

*I was kind of a tomboy in grade school. Might I remind you my last post was all about makeup.

Makeup, Money, and Ronald McDonald

I auditioned for a choir a while back, but I had a conflicting schedule so I couldn't be in it last semester. Even so, the choir director told me I don't have to audition for this semester and I was already on the roster. So, a few months pass, and it turns out I really wasn't and I'm not in the choir next semester even though he told me (and everyone in his current choir) that I was going to be. Yeesh.

Except now I hear a girl dropped out and I might be able to take her spot, so cross your fingers.

In other news, I'm getting a "promotion" at work! I put parentheses because it's not technically a promotion. One of my full-time coworkers ended up quitting so they're putting me in her position! I worked it today and time goes by so much faster, I think I'm going to like it.

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So, today I'm gonna share something that most girls know about but not every guy does. This one's for you, gentlemen.

Over Halloween, I helped a friend with his bald cap for his costume (he was Aang) and he had to go buy some colored base to blend the cap into his skin. While I'm working on him, he tells me how he couldn't believe how expensive the base was and that he doesn't know how girls can buy all their makeup. Let me just put this out there; the stuff he bought was the cheap crap.

I don't think any of you guys realize how much money women spend on making themselves look pretty for you. Being a girl is expensive. I just spent $30 today replacing just a few of the makeup things I was running out of. That's just a little bit of makeup. And not to mention all the other products girls need. Shampoos, conditioners, feminine products, brushes, irons, lotions... I can go on. And that's only the basic stuff. Then I can get into other things like mousse, bronzer, facial scrubs...then we can go into jewelry...

...I know what you guys are thinking, "If you don't want to spend so much money on all that unnecessary crap, then don't. You girls look pretty without it."

You guys don't get it. And you never will so I won't try to explain. But this comic is more true than you will ever understand:


Here's the thing: makeup and hair/skin/facial products are about presentation. Did you know that the LDS church actually promotes the use of [natural looking] makeup? It's because it lets women give a more presentable appearance, just like a guy wearing a tie and socks with his shoes.

But, as always, there are the two extremes. There can be the girl who will never touch makeup because she either doesn't know how to use it, doesn't need it, or doesn't like it, and in most cases, that's okay. Just don't get into the mindset that you should never, ever, ever wear makeup because it is a thing encouraged for a more presentable appearance.

Then, on the other end of the spectrum, there are the Nicki Minaj's:

"Which way to the circus tent?"

So guys, here's the basic gist of what I'm trying to say: be thankful us women spend so much to look pretty just for you. Time, money, and effort. I know, sometimes the effort can go too far, and that's not okay. But seriously, unless we look like Ronald McDonald, let us know we look pretty (really, only if we actually do. Don't encourage bad makeup habits). You let us know we're pretty and putting forth a good effort, seriously, it will make a girl's entire day. She'll walk around like a goddess.

And most of all, just appreciate how much FRIGGIN' MONEY WE SPEND FOR YOU.

Okay, one last thing. I made a quiz to see whether you can tell if a girl's wearing makeup or not. Take it. If you pass, congrats. If you fail, you have to ask a poor girl out on a date and tell her how pretty she did her makeup.

Tell me which girls are wearing makeup and which girls aren't:

     <-- lol, jk

ANSWERS (don't look before answering for all 8):

1. Yes 2. Yes 3. Yes 4... actually they're all yes. Surprise! Even #2 and #4.

I promise you, 90% of the time if a girl tells you she's not wearing any makeup, she's wearing makeup.

Now go ask one out!

With lots o' love,

Nicki (not Minaj) Smith

Awkward Situations

I thought it would be funny to put these together.

       Good afternoon! I hope you're having a good day.

       I'm actually feeling pretty sick, so today's post will have to be short and sweet (also meaning I won't be adding any hand-drawns, sorry).

       So, down to business. You know that quote from spider-man? Well, here's my version: "Don't be afraid of awkwardness. Some are born awkward, some achieve awkwardness, and some have awkwardness thrust upon them." Truth.

       I was at a coworker's farewell this last Sunday, and guess what? I was the only other coworker there. Meaning I didn't know anybody except him. So I'm standing in this house I've never been in surrounded by people I've never met and they're all staring at me, and I'm all like:

Kill me.

       The awkwardness was thrust upon me, there was no avoiding it, and that's not all: I find later that there actually was someone else I knew; my ex-boyfriend's mom of all people. She said hello, and she's a very sweet lady and I like her a lot, but boy, that was it's own sense of awkward completely. Just for me, though, because I'm sure she was excited to see me. Yikes. As much as I wanted to show my support to the missionary, I couldn't wait to get home.

       I'm pretty sure all of you have exciting "born with awkwardness, achieve awkwardness, awkwardness thrust upon them" stories. So how about you guys finish this post by telling your own awkward stories in the comments while I go nap? Sounds good to me.

       Have a lovely rest of the day.

       ~Nicole

7 Types of Customers I Hate

This is how I feel today:

Mushy giant friend!

Well here's to the kick off of my semi-weekly blog. Hoorah, bandwagoners!

Let's get straight to the good stuff. Today's post is about customers that I [strongly dislike] seeing at Kneaders. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and normally have a good time serving you folks, but occasionally we'll get a couple of these people who will drive anyone crazy. Here are a few of the customer types I [strongly dislike].

Dun dun dun duuuuun!

SEVEN OF THE WORST FOODSERVICE CUSTOMERS:

1. The Trashers. This customer is the guy that just leaves a freakin' huge mess. And I don't mean the little crumbs and straw wrapper bits lying around the table and floor. I mean a real, huge mess. I understand sometimes people are messy eaters, and that's okay. But when you play with your food, drop/spill things on the floor, throw things around, and make your booth look like a tornado had passed through, the least you could do is clean a little of it up yourself. We're obligated to make the place presentable to you guys. You're obligated to not trash our facility. Thanks.

2. The Hens. We love little old ladies. Love them. We love it when they come with their little party bags and reserve a little place for them and their friends and eat their cut-into-tiny-pieces sandwiches. So cute. What we don't love is the ladies who come in in wolf packs and chatter loud enough the back-of-house can hear them. No, Debora, we don't want to know about how you permed your poor Shih Tzu. These ladies can be so loud and chattery, you'd think they were in a coop laying eggs. And what's worse than a hen? The crossbreed wolf pack hens. (They wolf down their food, too, and stay an extra few hours.)

3. The Know-Your-Menus-Better-Than-You-Do's. These people will never come into the store; they always come through the drive-through. I suppose since they're too lazy to get out of their car, they must be too lazy to read our menu because we do not have half-sandwich half-salad combos. You're thinking of Zupas. And I understand that people don't memorize our menus. That's why we're there, to help you out. But when you come demanding what you decide should be on the menu done exactly the way you say it should be done and that I'm a terrible server because we don't sell chocolate chips in our pumpkin bread, then you need a reality check.

4. The Giant Groups. This is when there are 20+ in your group. I know what you're thinking, "Big groups aren't so bad, it's just a bunch of single people paying on one ticket!" But here's the problem: when we take a big group's food out to them, they forget what they ordered. Always. So when you're standing there with a TBA going, "Who ordered the turkey bacon avocado?" and no one realizes it was them for five minutes, it creates some problems. Moral of the story: if you're in a big group, remember what you order.

5. The Dissatisfieds. Sometimes when you go to a foodservice place, you'll find something less than satisfactory. It happens. No establishment is perfect. But please, don't order from us if you're gonna complain about every little thing you can think of. "You take too long." "Your sandwiches are too big." "Why don't you sell desserts without sugar?" "How come you can't make that a combo?" "There's a speck on my table you need to wipe off." "You let the top fall off of my sandwich." "One drop of soup fell off on the tray, I need a new bowl of soup." "I wanted five onions on my sandwich and there are only four."

6. The Mocha-chino-'spresso-single-extra-creamy-decaf-skinny-to 120 degrees-er. I'm from Utah, you can't expect me to have memorized every order modification from Starbucks. People will come in sometimes expecting they can get any coffee drink they can imagine. No. We're a bakery. You can't. And being that picky about what you eat isn't good, anyway. We'll also get people super specific about their sandwiches. Sure, we can take those tomatoes off, but when you start sounding like Bubble Bass from Spongebob, then go make your own sandwich.

7. The Daycare Center. These ladies will come in with millions of kids with messy habits and sticky fingers that I swear have to touch every inch of visible glass upon entry. I remember having to prove to my mom I was well behaved enough to eat out. But do other moms do that? Nope, let them jungle kiddies loose in the Kneaders to touch everything. And if you've ever been in a Kneaders, you'll know that we sell a lot of retail stuff as well. Little kids + fragile decorations = goodbye cute little ceramic cupcake holder. Not to mention the messssssssssss those little things make. Kind of like detested customer #1, only they're not so obligated to clean up after themselves. I say if you have a bunch of misbehaved kids you're going to take out to eat, bring the proportionate amount of adults to supervise. We're not your babysitters.

That's all I care to think up at the moment. There definitely are more obnoxious customers, but hey, it's time to go to work and deal with them instead. And now that I've got some of those frustrations out, I can focus on the customers I like and make me happy.

But this is it for today. Who knows, maybe I'll make a part two someday.

SOME. DAY.

Au revoir!
~Nicall of Duty